Riku SMASH
by Soshite
Summary: It was an incredibly hot day. The sun was high up in the sky, which was clear without a cloud in sight...


Dedicated to rubyd, yet again. XD Seriously, girl. Stop drawing stuff. It makes me wanna write stuff for you. j/k

Sorry if it's not funny! 

Riku, Kairi and Sora are from Kingdom Hearts  
Loz, Yazoo, Kadaj are from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children  
And finally…!  
Edea (Riku's smexy mom) is from Final Fantasy 8

They all belong to Squeenix. 

This fic is based off of this and is a sort of prequel to #18 in this. Enjoy.

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It was an incredibly hot day. The sun was high up in the sky, which was clear without a cloud in sight. This was probably the sixth day in a row where the temperatures were above 35 degrees—a sweltering hot day, for sure. Of course, for the children of Destiny Islands, it was just a slightly hotter than normal day as their days were often filled with tropical weather and cloudless skies.

Edea was worried for her children, though. It was all well and good to not worry about how bad the weather was when one had some shelter to return to—a home with a working central conditioning system. But when the house was ten times as hot as it was inside, than it was outside, you had a bit of a problem on your hands. The only thing she could think of was to send the kids out for they day. She could get Loz to chaperone the others.

The woman frowned. Oh, no. Loz couldn't chaperone them at all. Most likely he'd get sand kicked into his face like the last time they went to the beach and come crying straight home to her. It wasn't as if she didn't love Loz (and he was _so_ adorable when he was clinging onto her like the world was going to end) and his quirks, it was just that she didn't want there being a chance of the others getting left behind. Well, if her eldest wasn't fit for the job (something which made her feel a little sad, now that she thought of it), who could she depend on?

Well, the second eldest would be the next candidate. Yazoo was mature, unlike his older brother and wouldn't run off to hide behind his mother's skirt at the smallest thing. Although, he was a bit vacant. Dear lord, what would happen if she sent Yazoo to take care of everyone? It'd be like their last beach outing where he almost drowned in the water. Yazoo may be mature and patient, but he could get pretty unobservant at times. No, no, no…Her second eldest wouldn't do either…

The mother of four didn't even want to have to think of Kadaj as the one responsible for them all. Most likely he'd end up bossing his poor brothers into submission in record time…most likely something he inherited from his father. Kuja had been a rather bossy sort back in their younger days and Edea had not been at all surprised when this trait surfaced in one of their four sons. And if he didn't boss them around, he'd probably lead them into trouble. Like she'd want any more words with the men from the marina…she broke a nail the last time she had to 'pick on someone their own size'.

Edea sighed. So, Kadaj was out as well.

But if she couldn't depend on Kadaj, Yazoo _or_ Loz, what was she supposed to do? Leave it all to _Riku_? Despite her best efforts, the woman began to imagine what it would be like to have the youngest of the Shinra boys be in charge for the day. She could see that, at first, things would go just fine…very smoothly.

Riku would go pick up Sora from Celes' place and then they would go and see their new little friend, Kairi. The little girl had washed ashore some time ago when the showers began again. Edea hadn't seen them in a long time…not since before Loz had been born, but there they were again. But her mind was straying. What would Riku do after he got the little redhead into their group? That's right! Being the only real sensible person amongst his brothers, Riku would suggest that when they got to the beach that they could pool their money (and she would give them some enough to buy each of them one ice cream each) so they could buy a big, juicy water melon.

At the beach the small boys (Riku and Sora) would play in the sand, while Kairi (shy, cute little thing that she was) would sit aside until one of the older boys would approach her or when she approached them. She would most likely ask Yazoo to do something as little girls tend to look at older females for guidance, at which point she would inevitably find out that Yazoo was in fact a boy and not a girl at all, which would further lead to alienate the small girl. Of course, knowing her second eldest boy, he would let her play with his hair a consolation, telling her it was alright to be a boy with long hair. At this point, being the rowdy boys that they are, Loz and Kadaj will bury Yazoo while Kairi was distracting him by fooling around with his long locks of silver.

This would start a small chain of events which would lead Edea's three oldest boys to be buried in the sand (Yazoo by Loz and Kadaj; Loz by Kadaj and Riku; and Kadaj by Riku and Sora), with the little ones left alone to roam free and do as they pleased. That thought led to one very unpleasant image in her mind where Riku and Sora had run off to buy the watermelon as planned, only to return with a PAOPU DOOM BAT which would be ready to smash any unwary person's skull—nameless those of Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo.

Edea could almost hear their terrified screams in her mind as they tried to make Riku turn the other way.

"Ahhhhh! No, Riku! Don't!!" Kadaj would yell, his green eyes wide with fright as he tried to struggle from his soon to be sand coffin.

"Waaaaaaaaah! Mommy!" Loz wailed, tears streaming down his cheeks like twin rivers. Like his younger brother he was trying to break free of his sandy prison in order to get out of the way of Riku's impending wrath.

"Oh yes…a little tighter…" Yazoo would say…

Huh.

Well, alright. Yazoo wouldn't scream for help. He'd be too busy being engrossed with Kairi playing with his hair. But she could imagine Riku saying something like that huge green giant in those cartoons he liked to watch.

"Riku smash!"

Edea snorted. As horrified as she was with the thought that her youngest might end up in a triple homicide case, the very same thought also got her to start in a giggling fit. The very idea that Riku, the most proper and sane out of all her sons acting like a big green monster with a very limited vocabulary amused her to no end. It was then and there did she settle what she was going to do.

"I'll take them myself." She said, going to get ready.

It was the only way she could see things unfold for herself.


End file.
